North Korea? Jog On

OK, how’s about this. Scrap those lousy plans for holidaying by the pool – stack of books at hand – in some shoddy all-inclusive resort that caters for your every whim; you’ve been there before anyway. Scrap the thought of gurning your tits off in Ibiza for a fortnight that you will struggle to remember weeks later. Think bigger; go where not so many men, and women, have been before. Live life a little more than your average compadre.

For those more off-beat folks searching for something completely different: something so bizarre indeed that most people within their right mind wouldn’t contemplate it in any shape or form – read on.

Dare to head somewhere even the legendary Marco Polo didn’t venture to; a territory, its worth mentioning, even the great Genghis Khan didn’t have the bollocks to invade. A special place Donald Trump definitely does not want you to visit. Choose life; choose North Korea.

There’s an uber cool agency, Young Pioneer Tours, who specialise in “destinations your mother would rather you stay away from.” They do frequent trips throughout the year to the Hermit Kingdom including the Pyongyang Marathons, the Dragon Boat Festival, Kim Jong Un’s Birthday and my personal fave – the St Paddy’s Day soiree (14th – 21st March FYI); this also comes with the eye-brow raising option of a one-way flight.

During The Ultra Budget Marathon Tours you get to watch the opening and closing ceremonies, cheered on by a suspiciously enthusiastic crowd of 70,000. Health-freaks from around the world can choose from the 5k, the mini, the half, and the full marathon – depending on their desire for pain and punishment; for those seriously interested, do get your skates on as registration closes any day now for this year’s run.

The Young Pioneer Tours group come with a 5* Trip Advisor rating after 500+ reviews and can successfully boast of not having had one customer sent to prison for 50 years hard labour to date. A point worth noting I feel.

Basic do’s and don’ts include spreading religious propaganda, vandalism, fornication with the locals, most forms of beastiality, and/or mentioning Trump by name in any way is – allegedly – an offence punishable by death. Rumours are this usually comes in the form of a public stoning, televised nationwide, in the capital square and supervised by the wildly-grinning supreme leader himself. An idyllic environment some may say.

So for those who want to impress at their next dinner party, how about bragging about that one time you whooped-it-up with the brutal dictator of North Korea.

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